Healing the Inner Child — Homecoming by John Bradshaw

Homecoming by John Bradshaw is another book I really like and often come back to. It explores a similar theme to Jonice Webb’s Running on Empty: how what we experienced - and what we didn’t receive - in childhood can continue to shape how we feel, think and relate to ourselves as adults.

While Webb focuses particularly on childhood emotional neglect and reconnecting with our emotions and needs, Bradshaw approaches healing through the idea of the “inner child” - the younger parts of ourselves that may still carry unmet needs, shame, fear and beliefs formed early in life.

What Is the Inner Child?

Our childhood experiences don't simply disappear when we grow up.

As children, we learn about ourselves through the people around us. When we receive love, attention, emotional safety and acceptance, we begin to internalise a sense that: I matter. My feelings matter. I am worthy of love.

But when those needs aren't consistently met - through criticism, emotional absence, instability, shame or simply caregivers who couldn't respond emotionally - we may reach very different conclusions:

“Something is wrong with me.”

“I'm not good enough.”

“I have to be perfect to be loved.”

“I can't rely on anyone.”

“I need to keep everyone happy.”

Bradshaw's idea is that these childhood wounds can continue to influence our adult lives, even when we're no longer consciously aware of them.

The 3-year-old, the 7-year-old… 9, 12…the 16-year-old… all of those younger versions of ourselves, with their experiences, emotions, and met and unmet needs, still live within us in some way.

→ This is what we often refer to as our inner child.

And sometimes, when something in our adult life triggers a particularly strong emotional reaction, it may not only be our adult self responding. A younger part of us may be feeling something very familiar.

How Childhood Wounds Can Show Up in Adulthood

You might be 35, 45 or 60, but certain experiences can suddenly make you feel much younger.

Someone criticises you and you immediately feel inadequate. Your partner becomes distant and you panic. Someone is disappointed in you and you feel overwhelming guilt. You make a mistake and your internal voice becomes incredibly harsh.

You know rationally that the situation isn't catastrophic - but emotionally, it feels enormous. Bradshaw invites us to become curious about these reactions rather than judging them.

What if the intensity of the feeling isn't only about what's happening today?

Sometimes an experience in the present touches something much older.

Healing the Inner Child

A central theme in Homecoming is learning to reconnect with the younger parts of ourselves rather than continuing to reject or shame them.

That might begin by noticing: What did I need then that I didn't receive enough of?

Perhaps it was reassurance, affection, protection, encouragement, attention, emotional safety, permission to make mistakes or simply someone who was interested in how you felt.

From there, we can begin asking: How can I offer myself some of that now?

This might mean learning to speak to yourself more compassionately, setting boundaries, allowing yourself to play and enjoy things without needing to be productive, acknowledging emotions you once had to suppress, or allowing safe people to support you.

It can also mean recognising that some of the beliefs you've carried for years were formed by a child trying to make sense of their environment.

“I'm not good enough” isn't necessarily the truth about you. It may be a conclusion you learned a very long time ago.

Reparenting Ourselves

We can't change our childhood or receive exactly what we needed from the people we needed it from.

But Bradshaw's work suggests that we can begin developing a different relationship with ourselves now.

When the frightened part appears, we can offer reassurance.

When shame says “there's something wrong with you,” we can meet it with compassion.

When we make a mistake, we can correct ourselves without attacking ourselves.

When we need something, we can practise listening rather than automatically dismissing it.

And when life becomes serious, we can make room for curiosity, creativity, enjoyment and play again.

The aim isn't to erase the past.

It's to stop abandoning the younger parts of ourselves in the same ways they may have felt abandoned before.

Coming Home to Yourself

This is what I love about the title Homecoming.

Healing isn't necessarily about becoming somebody new.

Sometimes it's about coming back to parts of ourselves we learned to hide, silence or leave behind.

The emotional child.
The playful child.
The imperfect child.
The child who needed something.
The child who simply wanted to be loved as they were.

Perhaps healing is slowly being able to turn towards that part of yourself and say:

“You don't have to earn your place anymore. I'm here now.”

And if you need support, I am here now.

Mariana from MHealing

Homecoming: Reclaiming and Healing Your Inner Child is written by John Bradshaw. This article reflects some of the ideas I found particularly valuable in the book, alongside my own therapeutic reflections. It is not intended as a substitute for the book itself or for individual psychological or therapeutic support.